Aeroplane viewing (for a mallu)!!!

Indians are an inquisitive lot... I mean with the whole crap of superstitions and the numerologists and astrological consultants and the reply with BHK (I’m guessing its Biodata Horoscope Kundili???) in matrimonial columns, one would think Indians would be the last lot to be really inquisitive of the going-ons in the major aerospace company under the Ministry of Defence headquartered in Bangalore..

But if you've ever had a chance to go from Domlur to Marathahalli(in Bangalore) u'd see the large open space with huge walls and more importantly the people on top of the trees and trying to peek into the Airfield where the most modern aircrafts manufactured/developed in India is tested successfully(??? (touch wood...(great concept touch wood!!more on it later!!!)))...(for people who haven't had a chance to read Bangalore for dummies, im talking about the test airfield of HAL)

First time i saw this i was intrigued... i thot some top of the world, cutting edge technology was going to be unveiled that day... but after goin thru that road considerable number of times and going thru the TOI to know the minutest details of new technologies emerging from HAL, i finally realized(i can hear a collective 'duhhhhhhhhhh....!!!') that its just a bunch of absolutely jobless people, hoping to see somethin interestin for the day...

i can imagine the conversations goin on between people watchin the airfield everyday..for simplicity's sake we'll call them Happy Jack and Jack Frost.

Happy Jack: Dude.... i saw the new AV320 with vertical stabilizer, a stabilator and a small fin on the bottom of the tail to improve yaw control.

Jack Frost:thats nothin dude.. yesterday there was the new XRC12F-FLT with UVD-2M system aboard the aircraft with a Pitot tube situated on the top of the air intake... and guess what it has a semi-monocoque with an elliptical profile with a maximum width of 1,24m which is 3 staged and retracts itself between mach 1.5 and 3!!

Happy Jack: wow dude thats really somethin... but it will never reach the QCF-Flight Trainer e AN/APG-66H, an advanced version of the F-16A with the APG-66 radar with multimode systems. it even had the AIM-9 Sidewinder and AGM-65 Maverick. the LAU-5003B/A CRV-7 rocket launchers was a beauty and they even did some test-firing...

Jack Frost: whoa.. i swear thats just awesome...

Happy Jack: So what time tomorrow??

Jack Frost: Have an interview at 11:30...so will be there till 11:15 and will be back by 12:45 to watch the launch of BAe Systems Hawk Mk 132 Advanced Jet Trainer.. man thats gonna be a stunner...

Happy Jack: but you'll miss the Aerospatiale Alouette III testing man.. i've been waitin for it since ages....

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anyways once my friend from the great malluland aka Kerala came to visit me err the various pubbin shopping and ogling hotspots of bangalore...

One thing about mallus aka Keralites: they are never surprised... even if u tell them about the Brachiosaurus brancai u saw the other day roaming in the streets of Timbuktu, he'll tell you abt the Amphicoelias fragillimus he saw in Wayanad eating a Carcharodontosaurus and of course it was using a fork and a knife....

the point is u can never get an upperhand when a mallu is around.. a mallu has the inborn instinctive reaction at being the most knowledgeable and the most informed person in the world... if u ever see a mallu admittin to being surprised either he is not a complete mallu, or he is wasted or he must've just read my experiments with truth (not mine, but the nation's fathers...)

So i had the misfortune to take him via the famed airport road... and he saw the people on trees trying to catch a glimpse of india's latest Jet trainer aircrafts... I thot he would be impressed atleast now...(in the company of a fellow mallu he can be true to himself...(or so i thought))..seeing him sit quietly, i told him about the people in bangalore, and how technologically conscious they are and how that trait seems to be missin in most of the keralites...

My Mallu Friend(who we will call Kuttapan to hide his identity): This happens everywhere in Kerala... In fact it happens in my street also..

I was dumbstruck (another instance of a mallu being surprised..but im with a mallu..)...there being no particularly heavy industries in kerala, and at that a modern aircraft design lab in kerala...and that too in his street...i asked him to elaborate...

Kuttapan: Yeah man... it does happen in lots of places.. U see lots of people on trees, hanging on cutting edges(literally!!!)

Me: but what are they tryin to see????

Kuttapan: Well duhhh.... the bathrooms don't have a roof in most of the places!!!!

realization struck.... peace!!!!!

(after-conversations dealin with the intimate anatomy of thankamma and Januechi not fit to print here...)

Note: People thinkin of going to kerala for the above mentioned activity must realize the grave risks and body injury it might lead to.. Im not responsible for any unfortunate incidents that might come your way by doin it... and if u desperately wanna do it, take some training from a mallu instructor before u venture forth!!!!

Thought: Sky roofed bathrooms are not quite so common nowadays... and thangamma and januechi are far from a feast for the eyes.. (as anyone who has ever watched a mallu porn movie shud be knowin!!!)